Nothing says ‘Redneck’ like a Drive-Thru beer station, specifically, the Brew-Thru! I’ve been to what are effectively Drive-Bys”, but I guess down there Drive-By means something else.
Saget would like to point out that the following dinosaur looks really good because the dinosaur is less than 6,000 years old. The Bible says so.
After the jump, we offer up some modestly NSFW work stuff. It’s not so much that you’d be fired for porn, you wouldn’t. You might, however, be fired for looking at something totally tasteless and stupid.
Saget gives: Jason Hammel, Joey Butler, Steve Pearce
Coach gives: Chris Carter, RA Dickey
This one comes out fairly even as it winds up being the well-traveled Carter, a plus-bat, for Jason Hammel a plus-arm. May they each help their new owners.
Littering the deal are Pearce (unsustainably good stretch last year), Butler (unsustainably good stretch this year … how unsustainable? How’s a BABIP over .400 get you?), and Dickey (a nice year in 2012 that got him a nice contract). None of these three are really rosterable going forward and the sooner the owners involved figure that out, the better off they’ll be.
OK, they’re lottery tickets, and Saget shipped out two-for-one, but given how little Saget valuesw pitching, this doesn’t really seem like a big deal. Each team got one good player. Well done.
We’ll all pretty bummed about Miguel Cabrera’s injury–nobody more than Jose, who needed a happy healthy Miggy to keep his Coach Bracket hopes alive.
And that’s the sad, honest point of writing this.
We need to point out that
–Today, the morning after Miggy’s injury, Jose sits 13th
–Today, the morning after Miggy’s injury, he’s 17.5 games out of a playoff spot with seven people to pass
–Today, the morning after Miggy’s injury, Jose trails Assclowns on a Saturday 7-6.
Today, my fellow North Americans, endowed by gifts from our Creator, we hold these truths to be self-evident. But if we don’t actually write them the fuck down, four years from now Jose will be telling all and sundry he was “winning the league until Miggy strained his calf”. Let this put rest to that.
Consider this then not a Declaration of Independence, but a Declaration that Jose Fucking Sucks. To paraphrase Dan Quayle, the most useless vice-president since, oh, Aaron Burr [No mention for Spiro? We’ve stopped the Greek-bashing have we?–Ed.], Jose has Sucked, he does Suck, and he Always Will Suck.
That is all.
DAVID has been trying to get Jose Bautista for JD Martinez:
JD Martinez: (.281,) .334 OBP, 21 HR, 51 RBI, 2 SB, 35 XBH, 82 H, 46 R
Would such a half-season line equate to being first round talent? No. No speed, and no OBP-help.
Second round talent? You could argue that. He’s a plus contributor everywhere else. He’s a third-rounder for me in our league simply because we only require four OF spots and offer two utility spots, so I naturally downgrade OF. If I were drafting today, he’d be in the 30s on my board I think.
Bautista hasn’t been dominant enough to justify picking him ninth overall, and needs surgery after the season. He can play first. If you thought Bautista was going to make his annual pilgrimage to the DL soon, you might make this deal.
[Puts on black turtleneck, uses Steve Jobs voice] Just one more thing:
JD Martinez: O-Rank #94.
DAVID, the high-priest of O-Rank, now wants Dutch Boy to disregard the vast discrepancy in O-Rank (Bautista #9) because, well, that would suit DAVID.
Addendum: We get accused of “running guys down” in this space only to try to trade for them at a discount. Look, not so. JD Martinez is a third-rounder for me right here right now, like I said. You want to call him a second-rounder, OK. But we have no interest in JD Martinez because the Astros DFA’d him last year.
And everyone knows the Astros are Sabremetric geniuses.