Skip to content

Outgoing Mail: WTF


Why the fuck are you picking up players in Copper’s baseball league?



Hi CL,

a few reasons, but none of them reasonable or good

1) They were mine first…..Hamilton, Zimmerman

2) Because I probably have OCD and/or Aspergers….

3) Add/drop withdrawals…..kind of like going through OJ TV withdrawal once the verdict was read in 1995. After over a year of non-stop OJ bullshit on multiple channels, us americans would flip through the channel and be like “what the fuck…is it really over?” But we would keep changing the channel looking for it.


Ladies Man


Congratulations to Dutch Boy on winning an inaugural GCBL championship. It was a brilliant season. Even if you finish 10th next year, like last year’s sketchy winner finished this year, flags fly forever and make no mistake–this is a hard league to win. Well done. Your title defence begins in a few short months. I hope your wife allows us to get together and chat over the winter.

Me, well, I’ve only enhanced my reputation as a lover. There aren’t many guys who can stay on top for months and come second.

Watch this space for…

–Infrequent baseball musings over the playoffs/winter

–Mirroring of any League News that Mendoza passes along.

I’m moving the (no-longer-a-)Silent Auction league to ESPN next year and Mendoza is muttering about doing the same with the Big Show. The chief advantage, as far as I can tell, is the ability to wrap the league up by Labour Day instead of having it drag us all through the Hell of expanded rosters.

Don’t Kick a Man When He’s Down.

Team Curacao doesn’t believe in piling on DAVID, but Team Nookie does, so DAVID’s in tough in the bronze medal match. Like so many recent seasons, DAVID appears set to emerge with nothing.

I had been hoping for a Curacao–Nookie final but since it has to be Dutch Boy, it has to be Dutch Boy. It’s going to make for some awkward silences on the phone this week as I’m pretty sure Mendoza will be helping him run his team and I’ll need to keep my own strategies to myself.

We’re certainly nobody special but it seems like nagging injuries has really hurt the Curacao offence in September–but as I said, I’m nobody special. Counting stats have been down across all four playoff matches so far, even with abnormal numbers of real-life doubleheaders. I’m not sure if I’ll beat Dutch Boy, but I’m certain that the winner will be the guy who does the best job of keeping the wheels from falling off.

Good luck, Son.

Beating a team three times in a year is hard. Unless it’s DAVID.

Our fantasy prayers were answered over the weekend when DAVID upset Shaggy in the quarterfinal. Shaggy and I were set up very similarly, had split the season series, and he’d gotten his win the week before. DAVID just sucks. I’ve already beaten him twice, and here’s how we project to match up again.

Category, Curacao total, DAVID total, edge

Runs: 1010, 908, CURACAO

Hits: 2047, 1760, CURACAO

Home Runs: 252, 272, DAVID

RBI: 956, 946, TOSSUP

Stolen Bases: 175, 87, CURACAO

OBP: .351, .322, CURACAO

XBH: 703, 636, CURACAO

Wins: 72, 112, DAVID

Saves: 123, 42, CURACAO

HR Allowed: 103, 175, CURACAO

ERA: 3.39, 3.57, TOSSUP

WHIP: 1.21, 1.20, TOSSUP

K/BB: 3.17, 2.89, CURACAO

QS: 73, 139, DAVID

Curacao 8, DAVID 3, Tossup 3.

Looking good.

Fantasy Baseball Season is Too Long.

Well, it’s too long for teams like Curacao and Nookie that make a habit of making the postseason. If things fold up in late August for Coach or Murray or Copper it likely dovetails into fantasy football just right.

But there I was yesterday thinking stuff was just going on too long in baseball, as I watched my four* time and defending* Super Bowl Champion* Patriots fuck with the Steelers’ headsets. As the Patriots continue to cement their legacy* as a dominant* franchise, I couldn’t believe my baseball playoffs don’t start until next week.

I still watch baseball daily, but fantasy’s becoming a joke.

It’s hardly the measure of an effective team. I’m purposely making no moves in my bye week as an active Billy Hamilton sits on my DL, and I’m trying to figure out among my fringe guys who’s going to get AB. Might be a mug’s game but we’ll see. This has gone on way too long.

Extra Bags, Obituary Edition: Joaquin Andujar has passed away. Growing up we got to see him a fair bit on Expos broadcasts, and he was the opposing pitcher I thought was the most intimidating in baseball. (As I wrote elsewhere this year, we almost never got Nolan Ryan, for instance, on TV.)

Click on over to Baseball Codes for a bizarre tale of Andujar intimidation and Krukow retaliation that went well over the top:

“The pitcher knew he was beaten. He hadn’t been able to hit Andujar when he had the chance, and now he was out of chances. So he seized his only remaining opportunity, dropped his glove and rushed the plate in a rare instance of the reverse mound-charge….”

Joey Votto, Crybaby

Most people from Toronto are pussies and Joey’s no exception, losing his mind on a 1-1 strike and getting run for the second time against the Buccos this season (Joey bumped an ump back in May):

Baseball Tonight wonder what he said back to the dugout. On the Pirates broadcast they thought he told them he asked for time and the umpire denied it. I mean, that would certainly make sense–it wasn’t a third strike.

Edited to add: Here’s a much longer clip. It’s the Reds broadcast, but they’re fairly sure Votto told the dugout he asked for time.

This clip also puts it in better context: Joey had been fooled by some pitches on the corners earlier in the game, and had ultimately decided that he wanted to go home early and play with his Pokemon cards. Wah wah wah!

Play the video halfway down the story.

Randall Grichuk can’t throw a baseball. The end.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.