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Overreaction Theatre: Opening Day

March 31, 2014

Wilson Ramos broke his hand.  No he didn’t.

The Jays are doomed. They were a last-place team last year. They’re 0-1. Oh, the horror.

Billy Hamilton is a AAAA-player. One golden sombrero does not end a career. Although, Saget should stop abusing Alex Gonzalez in his slogan (two hits) when his Big Red Machine did little more today (three hits total). Where’s the love for Boneface (4/5, SB)?

Francisco Liriano fanned 10. Let’s go Bucs, but c’mon. It was ten Cubs. 

Cody Asche is a god. No, everyone knocked around Tanner Scheppers.

Tanner Scheppers sucks. No he doesn’t. This was his first start, ever. Why he’s starting, and why Alexi Ogando is in the pen, is just something stupid some coked-up manager thought up somewhere.

Big Papi is finished. 2/37 this spring, 1/5 today. Which would have been 3/5 with two jacks but for the wind blowing straight in.

David DeJesus broke his foot. No he didn’t.

Ricky Nolasco is a train wreck.  It’s one bad start, but he’s not worth $12M/season either.

Grady Sizemore 2014 = Grady Sizemore 2006-08. He won’t be playing back-to-back days in April, never mind 160 games.

Bryce Harper got KTFO and doesn’t know who he is. So tell him he’s Roberto Clemente! Actually, he doesn’t even have a concussion, and Bryce Harper just needs to be Bryce Harper.

Yovani Gallardo has put it all together. Let’s see him do it for a whole month.

Jose Valverde will take Bobby Parnell’s job. Parnell will fulfill his contract by playing ‘Mr. Met’ at children’s birthday parties.  Get outta here. Who would want Mr. Met at his birthday party? And Parnell will be fine.

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