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If I Was Nookie

June 17, 2014

Today is the 20th Anniversary of the OJ Simpson car chase and the eighth anniversary of the publication of OJ’s book “If I Did It”. I could Razzball you for 450 words about the obvious connections, and that would be me quoting me, but fuck it, let’s get going. If I was Nookie, here’s how I’d try to make the playoffs.

1) I’m 9th, 4 games out of the playoffs. The first thing I do is change my slogan to “Fifth Place! The league’s Jerry Remy!” Nothing like a little positive thinking to open some eyes. Now…

2) Trade anybody who doesn’t run. Byrd, Viciedo, Davis, Mathis, Walker (DL), Simmons, Middlebrooks (DL), etc. ALL OF THEM. I won’t get much for these guys and I don’t pretend I will. I just need top-of-the-order guys who will run and get plated. Brock Holt, Scooter Gennett, Ben Revere, Everth Cabrera, Johnathan Villar, etc.

3) “Take the worst” of a couple pitching trades (and the invariable abuse that would follow) to free up roster spots for more holds guys. Suggestion: (Fister, Latos, Minor, Cobb, Lincecum) for two aces. Pick up three holds guys on the wire.

4) Start winning 8-6, 9-5 every week… conceding HR, RBI and XBH but having a 2/3 or better shot at utterly everything else.

5) Make playoffs.

Just saying.

If I was Nookie. 


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