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Listening to Mendoza, Pt. 1: Selling Cars

August 29, 2014

Mendoza’s always concerned when players sign for a team’s arch-rival as a free agent, metaphorically asking “where are these guys like Juan Uribe going to have car dealerships when they retire?” Well, today’s MLB salaries mean that most guys who play a few years are set for life. But fear not. Here are two guys with the Blue Jays who are already trying to sell cars, even though neither rates to be with the Jays next season.

We start off with Munenori Kawasaki, who obviously should be pitching Kawasaki motorcycles but somehow finds himself peddling Chryslers instead. Badly:

Good thing that Monkeys never crap, Son!

If you want to listen to somebody whose first language is English do the whole spot, here’s likely-inbred Colby Rasmus, who assures us he’s a star ballplayer, but not a Hall of Famer… yet:

The saddest thing is, I keep waiting for the punchline that these commercials are a gag, but it never gets there. These spots are the genuine article. Great.

Hey Coach: you want either of these dumb fucks cutting commercials for your lot?

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