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Soria–Werth Deal Held in Contempt

April 18, 2015

Cash Bail gives: Jayson Werth

Shagsters gives: Joakim Soria

PER CURIAM

This Court fears for Cash Bail’s mental fitness. In trading Jayson Werth to her Friend, Cash Bail has shipped away an outfielder who has amassed, in 2013-14, 41 HR and 19 SB and an OBP of over .390 each season. This is talent not to be trifled with.

In return, Cash Bail’s Friends has proffered only Joakim Soria. Soria was an excellent pitcher before missing all of 2012 recovering from TJS and much of 2013 recovering from subsequent elbow surgery. He is still a good pitcher. But he’s only a Closer, and will seemingly only close until Joe Nathan returns, Bruce Rondon heals, or a drunken Brad Ausmus gives the job to the first popcorn attendant who asks. Going forward, Soria’s upside is 30 Sv, but it’s just as likely to be 3.

Shagsters has appeared before this court before for bad behaviour, and past denunciations have obviously proven no deterrent.

This Court sentences Shaggy to three hours of listening to DAVID’s wild conspiracy theories about which teams are in cahoots, and three hours of listening to DAVID explains the intricacies of O-Rank.

Extra Bags, Svetlana’s Phone Tap Edition:

Voice 1: Fuck. Frodo rejected my trade offer.

Voice 2:  What was it?

Voice 1: Cashner for Wright

Voice 2:  I bet you could get Beltre for less.

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