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Meanwhile, at DAVID’s Trial…

May 22, 2015

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“Judge, members of the Jury, the Defence accepts the charge of Attempted Petty Theft in that DAVID did try to steal Frodo’s Hobbit Hat. We vigourously deny the charge of Aggravated Sexual Assault. Defence claims that the anal sexual intercourse between DAVID and Frodo was completely consensual. We intend to present several eyewitnesses to the sex act. These eyewitnesses will testify that as DAVID held Frodo’s hat high above his head such that Frodo couldn’t reach it, Frodo shouted ‘Give it to me now, you bastard!’. “

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