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Oh, the Horror! Nookie’s Survey answers, feat. a Home Invasion

March 24, 2017


It was submitted in… blood… red… type. We switched it to black. 


1. How do you feel about your own draft?

I actually feel somewhat good about my draft.  It went better than I expected in that I got a few above average bats and some quality arms that I did not think would be available at that point in the draft.  I would have really liked to have a few more multiple position guys, but I am not going to complain with what I have.

2. What pick or picks are you most proud of?

I am really proud of my first three pitchers (Sale, Tanaka, and Hamels) because they give me a solid baseline for competing every week in the arms categories.

3. Looking back, what would you have done diferently?

Differently has 2 f’s, FYI.  At least it does here in Texas.  Anyway, I am not sure what I would have done differently.  I don’t look at my draft spots and plan out any targets that I am hoping to snag in said round.  Maybe that is why my team never strikes fear in anyone.  Ever.

4. At least four people are punting saves to start the year. If you knew that going in, would you have looked at drafting closers differently?

Not really.  I usually don’t make a play for closers, but there were still a few left on the board later than I expected.  I grabbed a couple this year so that I hopefully won’t register a big fat 0 in saves like I do every year.  Maybe my luck will change because of that.  Probably not, though.

5. Oquendo went all pitching and DAVID went all hitting to start. Who’s going to do better there?

Well, duh.  Obviously DAVID.  The guy uses all CAPS in his name, so he must know what he is doing.  But, the ball gag thing, though, is concerning.  Just curious, is that him in drag?  Not that I am judging or anything, different strokes for different folks.  Anyway, DAVID in a landslide here.

6. Looking around, who had the best draft? Why?

I think that Mendoza had the best draft.  Why?  Because he is the commish and somehow I believe that this whole thing is rigged in his favor.  But what do I know?  I’m just cannon fodder for the rest of the league.

7. Who had the weakest draft? Why?

I can’t say who had the weakest draft, since it depends on who under performs and who over performs.  Knowing what I do not know, I had the weakest draft.

8. Anything else on your mind?

Yeah.  I am in process of evicting a mother raccoon and her kit out of my attic right now.  Fucker decided to rip off one of my attic vents one evening last week and set up shop in my home.  So not cool.  If none of you have ever had the pleasure of experiencing this, then please heed some advice.  I made the mistake of closing off the entry/exit point for momma (I don’t know shit about raccoons or their behavior) and she decided to stomp around my whole fucking attic the other night.  DO NOT DO THIS.  EVER.  LEAVE THE HOLE ALONE. 
She fell down 2 floors in the sidewall of my chimney while looking for a way out and it sounded like a bomb went off.  And this was at about 10 o’clock the other night and scared the living shit out of us.  My wife and kids and I went all “The Great Outdoors” then.  We barricaded the chimney with furniture and pieces lumber, what ever I could find, and everyone grabbed a bat and waited.  About an hour later, this inconsiderate fuckstick climbed back up into my attic and stomped around some more.  Claws on wood and ac units, scratching the walls, and jumping around in the attic sound creepy as shit after midnight.  Just absolutely LOUD as hell. 
We just walked around the house all night staring up at the ceiling, following her exploration of my attic since she had no ninja skills whatsoever.  A real Lewis and Clark, she was.  Kind of tough to grab some quality shut eye.  Pretty fucking rude, if I say so myself.  I then grabbed a chair, storage bin, some books, and a rake and wedged the attic door closed.  Just in case this varmint decided to peek out and say ‘sup.  Ain’t having it.  At one point, around 2:30 am, I heard a loud boom.  It sounded as though she jumped/fell from about 10 feet and didn’t stick the landing at all.  I was hoping/praying that she had just offed herself out of shear desperation of not being able to escape.  Nope.  About 10 minutes later, MORE STOMPING!  May have been limping, hard to tell. 
Anyway, a wildlife dude came by on Monday and did his thing and now we are waiting a few days while it relocates to someone else’s attic.  Usually a few days to locate a new home/family to terrorize and move her kit.  Fun times all around.  I have attached some photos for posterity.  Public service announcement…raccoons are assholes, regardless of how Over The Hedge ended.  And they are not funny like Guardians of the Galaxy, either.  Anyway, baseball season is here and my Cubbies are finally fun to watch.  Good luck to all.  Oh, and raccoons are not active during the day.  But they jump on the train to banana land when the sun goes down.  Night vision like you read about.  I am debating on changing my avatar for the season with the attached picture.  Feedback is welcome.

From → Uncategorized

  1. elramaba permalink

    Not to laugh at your pain, but that’s some funny shit

  2. Copper permalink

    I thought Texans handled things with more firepower.

  3. Bert White permalink

    HOA is kind of strict on conducting critter renditions without going through the proper chain of command. Plus, I’m not originally from this weird ass state and my raccoon license is not current.

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