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GCBL Stanislav Petrov Memorial Week

September 18, 2017


The man himself (2015 file photo), the King of Close Calls. It was announced Sunday that Petrov died aged 77. He might have saved your life. Stud. RIP.

You want close? It doesn’t get closer in Fantasy than Sunday’s semifinals, where Mendoza needed something from Brad Hand and I needed something from Michael A Taylor to sneak into the finals.

Mendoza got the save he needed from Hand at about 8:30 at night to tie Crow 6-6 and squeak into the final.

Piece of shit Taylor, who hasn’t done 5/8-of-fuck-all since the all-star break, did NOT give me the dinger required in the late game. Thus, I did not peg Assclowns back to 7-7. No final for me. Taylor’s oh-so-empty 0-for-4 capped off a disappointing week and a 7-6 loss for the Littleleague, condemning us to the third place game. “We’ll likely lose that too,” Taylor didn’t say. “I have absolutely no heart and should be in fucking Syracuse,” he didn’t add.

Well played by Assclowns.

And so four teams were separated by the slimmest of margins.

And what of Hand and Taylor? Were they clever draft picks destined to be stashed to come through in mid-September? Not exactly. We checked, and on Draft Day each was in minor league camp. Baseball is a funny game.

One man not easily impressed by weird situations was Lt. Col. Stanislav Petrov. Shift Commander at Soviet Missile Defence Forces on Sept. 26 1983, it was Petrov’s job to oversee the junior officers and technicians scouring the computer screens and satellite imagery. If that Reagan fellow attacked, Petrov was to dial up a counterstrike. And there it was, clear as day: five US ICBMs headed for Moscow. Tensions were already high, with the Soviets having blasted KAL 007 out of the sky three weeks prior. NATO was pursuing clandestine operations in Soviet waters…and the Soviets had caught them. Five nukes now incoming.

Petrov, though, unilaterally made the call not to rev up the machinery and hit the US back. Petrov reasoned that if the Americans were striking first, they’d be bringing more than five missiles from the 1200 estimated in the arsenal. He played his hunch and got it right: the computers were misfiring, mistakenly interpreting satellite data of sunlight on clouds as nuclear missiles.

Embarrassed at the system’s bugs, the Soviet military did what militaries sometimes do, burying Petrov in a less sensitive post where he wouldn’t be able to use common sense to save the world again. Petrov suffered a nervous breakdown, taking early retirement.



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