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Best Blog Article Ever

September 22, 2017

My favourite, from June 1, 2015: Saget’s stream of consciousness about watching the Marlins when they were relevant. (Did you know that Mike/Giancarlo Stanton has never played on a team with a winning record?) Anyway, it’s worth another read. (I was having a shitty day, and I’ve left my original preamble to the piece out here). Saget writes:

I was channel surfing last night and Pujols was at bat against Price….I had not seen Pujols on TV in awhile and I was wondering why he looked different….ROIDS! I wouldn’t bet my nuts on it, but something was definitely going on (HGH, andro?) since I last saw Pujols on TV on a consistent basis This leads me into “Marlin Memories”:

Between 1999-2003 I went to dental school in Davie, FL (Greater Ft Lauderdale-same town The Rock is from…saw his dad all the time). ProPlayer/Joe Robbie-whatever the fuck you want to call it [Post ’98: ‘No Player’ Stadium?–Ed] was a straight shot down University Drive right across the Broward/Dade Co line. 10 minutes.

The then ProPlayer stadium sat over 70,000 fans for the Dolphins and consistently drew only 7,000-10,000 fans during the week. When 7,000 fans were in the 70000+ seat stadium it felt like a cavern. Weird. It was quiet too, so I would actually study in the stands until 2003 rolled along and they went on their run after the Conine trade.

—–

There was a section called the “Fish Tank” and the tickets were $2….yes, TWO freaking dollars…I paid $10 for parking. After a few innings in the Fish Tank at the top of the stadium behind home plate, I would move down to the 10th row along the 3rd base side where the visiting team always was….this was a perfect view of the pitcher and the visitors on-deck circle.

Albert Pujols up close looked like Conan the Barbarian, he was fucking huge, you could see the definition in his back through his jersey. He was a monster!

The Albert Pujols of 99-03 I saw annually looked nowhere near the guy I saw on TV last night and it wasn’t just old age. When you work out and eat right, you cut, defined, and lean like Brad Pitt in Fight Club or Floyd Mayweather. To look like the former California Governor, you lift hard, you lift often and eat protein like a mother fucker and juice up. [Ronald Fucking Reagan?–Ed.] Pro players don’t have that kind of time. He was on roids or HGH.

Other fuckers I saw up close and were just monstrous…..Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Jeff Bagwell…..the problem was they were disproportionate, small bodies, big huge muscles, big heads. Not just their biceps, forearms…neck……Pujols at least looked somewhat natural.

—–

I graduated and missed the 2003 world series because i left Florida, but here’s the top 10 coolest shit I saw along the 3rd base line while I was attending Marlin games

10) AJ Burnett Fastballs up close….holy shit….LASER BEAMS!…scary

9)  Mike Piazza upper deck HR off Dempster: ProPlayer was not a conventional baseball stadium; an upper deck shot was very rare. Compare it to Canseco shot 7th deck of Skydome back in ’89. [Fix this Mendoza. Thx.–Ed.]

8)  Barry Bonds HRs during his 2001-73 HR roid inspired year

7)  Josh Beckett’s first game

6)  Miguel Cabrera’s first game….HR to straight CF

5) Witnessing Luis Castillo’s 35 game hit streak

4) Rookie Dontrelle Willis 1 Hit shutout, out dueling Randy Johnson

3) NL East teams played each other 19 times….I saw Marlins-Braves games until I puked. Maddux, Glavine, Smoltz…Great pitchers but they got ridiculous “respect” calls. Strikes called 3 inches off the plate…pure bullshit…..that’s why the Braves lost in the playoffs. They did not get as many calls because the Umps knew they were on National TV and Maddux and Glavine chucking it up there between 88-91 MPH wasn’t going to cut it if they didn’t get extra strikes, especially against great hitting teams.

I give credit where credit is due. Andruw Jones is a scum bag piece of shit [Fuck Off!–Ed.] but he is the greatest defensive CF of his generation [Andruw’s a friend, but that’s BS–Ed.], he was incredible and he made impossible plays look easy and Chipper Jones left=handed swing was a thing of beauty. By the way, he’s a piece of shit too [Our old leaguemate would agree–Ed.]

2) 2002 Yankees-Marlins series….more Yanks fans in the stands than Marlins….only sold out games I went to besides Opening Day. Marlins took 2 of 3 and chased an undefeated Clemens. Alex Gonzalez hit 2 HRs off Clemens, unbelievable….but I got to see the REAL Yankees up close, Mo Rivera, Jeter, Pettitte, Posada, Bernie Williams, Brosius.

1) Cal Ripken standing ovations his last ABs vs the Marlins, he stepped out of the box and tipped his helmet…..Marlins won, but Ripken hit 2 HRs off AJ Burnett. Fans went apeshit after the 2nd HR.

Side note….Mike Lowell and Kevin Millar were my favorite players….just clutch. [Go Sawx!–Ed.] Derrek Lee and Preston Wilson frustrating as hell to watch back then, but when they connected, they were gone

—–

Between 1999-2003 along the 3rd base line……

I never saw a bench clearing brawl….very disappointing.

—–

I am amazed no one has been killed by a foul ball. The foul balls that just miss the back screen lateral boundaries and line drive into the 1st or 3rd base line come laser quick, less than a second reaction time and they are dangerous projectiles

—–

Early 2000 Bobby Valentine METS…

WORST defensive team I ever saw! Man did they suck. Piazza was a bad, bad, bad catcher, as soon as Luis Castillo or Juan Pierre got on 1st, you knew it was a double. Easy steal on Piazza.

Conversely, watching Charles Johnson and then Ivan Rodriguez mow down runners was a thing of beauty).

And Mo Vaughn was a big meatball.

—–

I saw Al Leiter attempt a routine pick off throw to the runner on 1st base with a high leg kick. Andy Fox was on 3rd base, as soon as he saw Leiter motion towards 1st, he took off. He slid into home with ease as Mo Vaughn bounced a throw home.

Roberto Alomar was awesome, but he was on bald thread tires with the Mets in the end. I got to see a young Jose Reyes though, he was good.

 

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